BLOGTISTI

Thank You and I'm Sorry

2011-02-22T10:57:00.000-08:00

We were living in New Zealand when tragedy struck the United States. One morning we woke to the radio alarm and instead of the usual quirky kiwi morning show we heard the confused and subdued announcement that New York City appeared to be under attack.

Over the ensuing days and weeks we were beneficiaries of constant heartfelt sympathy from friends and acquaintances. I was amazed at their concern for us and our country. I quickly learned that a country the size of California with the population of Seattle had a lot to teach me about national pride.

We have been watching the news closely and I want to reach out to the people who reached out to me. I'm sorry that this dark day has come. I hope for healing and strength to come to you soon.

The bad girl bandits (a comic strip)

2011-01-25T09:43:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time there were two girls.

They looked and acted nice

But they weren't (girls with pigtails saing saying "MooHaHa")

They did not even like babies.

They broke pencils.

They made fake roads (cars unknowingly driving down roads that end in ponds)

But then the Hulk came and almost defeated them. But he died on the spot.

And they were never bad again.

They played with babies too.

The End.

By Maggie

Sick. Ill. Feeling Poorly.

2011-01-24T15:12:00.000-08:00

Varying amounts of coughing, throwing up, and crying are going on around here. These are pictures of better days since no one would want photo documentation of our current situation. Hopefully days like this will come again.

Enzo the Impertinent

2011-01-12T08:19:00.000-08:00

I have some concerns about Enzo. Several times in the past month people have made a point to comment to me about how adorable they think he is. Unfortunately, the conversation goes like this:

Out of town family member: "That Enzo is just so cute. I want to take him home with me! Today when I arrived he came straight up to me and said, 'I'm angry with you. Don't talk to me!'"

Venerable branch matriarch: "Enzo is so cute. Today when I visited nursery I said "Hello" to him and he told me to shush."

Then yesterday, there was a woman with a petition outside the grocery store. She tried to engage Lena and Enzo with a cheery "Hey there little guys."

Lena smiled back with delight. New people are always new friends for her.

Enzo pulled his face into a fierce scowl and screamed, "I am NOT a little guy."

The petition woman laughed, "He is so cute!"

I'm worried that as long as he's so dang cute he's going to get away with anything. Admittedly, it works on me.

Keeping in Touch

2011-01-04T20:45:00.000-08:00

An unfortunate side effect of coming back to the land of the free is my tendency to fall out of contact with the world at large. Something about being between the shining seas gives me the impression of closeness with those that I care about, family and friends. What I forget is that proximity only means so much in a relationship and being in the same country as someone (or even just countries with the same national language) does not mean that I am maintaining a relationship with them.

These broodings were sparked by a response to one of my sporadic attempts to keep in touch. Our first Christmas card in three years made it's tentative way to addresses far and wide without knowing for sure if the intended recipients still lived there. I went on my merry way hoping far flung friends and family would know I was thinking of them and forgive my former silence.

The other day I got a response to a card from an elderly friend who we met while living in New Zealand. The letter was dated for Christmas day and after a brief paragraph expressing surprise at hearing from us shared the sad news that his wonderful wife had passed away. I immediately remembered how I, as a young homesick woman with a new baby, had leaned on her for support. And then, of course, I realized the last time we talked was six years ago, when Maggie was a baby.

I don't want to get so caught up in my busy life that I don't stay in contact with the people that are important to me. This includes you.

I'm a slow learner so I thought I'd start by blogging again. And someday, when I build up the courage, I might even post something on facebook.

What!?!

2010-12-13T22:05:00.001-08:00

Classic Slate Blue Solid Colors

Modern greeting cards and party invitations by Shutterfly.

View the entire collection of cards.

Paradise?

2010-09-12T15:29:00.000-07:00

Adivce?

2010-08-04T21:39:00.001-07:00

Not sure how to respond to this email from Maria...

My dear Madam,
How are you? thanks for your reply. I am sorry to say that, i have no job anymore. Because the new madam doesn't need me. She has suspend me from the job. Now I'm wordless. i have spend nine thousand taka to make a home that u send. I can't do any kinds of hard job because of my physically illness. Now I have no money to maintain my family with two child. I want to start a cloth shop. I need your help.

I will be grateful to you. if u save me from my poverty.I miss you . I also miss your kids.

Lots of Family

2010-07-27T20:57:00.000-07:00

Lena and her great grandpa taking each other for a walk.

In the course of our lives we have repeatedly made decisions based on the desire to be closer to our families. It was never too difficult a decision since we're lucky to be related to some of the coolest people on the planet. Over the past few weeks the better part of every day has been spent with aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents in a maelstrom of activity. Today, we said goodbye to the last of our family leaving for home out of town. I'm sad our month of family is coming to a close...

...but it's not even dark and the babies are tucked in

...Bryce took Titus and Maggie out for a paddle

...and I'm online

I think I can get used to this too.

New Perspective

2010-07-06T09:28:00.001-07:00

When we left B-desh we immersed our tired minds and bodies in the surreal worlds of hotels and amusement parks. It was a startling contrast but we embraced the transition to life with neat orderly lines, flat sidewalks, and green grass.

We've been here for nearly a month and sometimes I have the sensation that we're still walking through an amusement park. It seems too good to be true. The air is clear and quiet, there is green grass and an abundance of trees to climb. Best of all, when we go outside, no one seems to notice us. We're just another nondescript family enjoying this peaceful abundant existence.

I am so grateful for it.

But, I recognize that I'm more grateful for it than I've ever been before. I appreciate things in a new way. It's delightful to fill my water bottle from the tap. It's wondrous to have a digital clock reflect the correct time day in and day out. Children are playing outside!

I'm a big believer in "thank you cards" so here goes:

Dear Bangladesh,

Thank you for letting us stay with you. We learned a lot.

Love, The Blogtistis

Double Digits

2010-06-19T18:42:00.001-07:00

Somehow in the craziness of the last few weeks Titus turned 10. We did manage to mark the occasion and he was presented the requested binoculars for viewing the night sky. It seems, however, that in our time away we completely forgot the tendency of the sky here to be overcast both day and night. So far we haven't seen any stars. Maybe we shouldn't have encouraged this new interest.

Still, I'm happy for any occasion to celebrate this little guy. I love the way he still gets excited when we pass a playground. And how he's willing to carry two styrofoam swords through three airports for the prospect of battling it out with his cousins. I hope he never loses his sense of fun and play.

Happy Birthday, Titus!

Just Kidding!

2010-06-17T21:27:00.000-07:00

Not me. I wasn't just kidding. That's really what happened. Then the next day Bryce went down to have a chat and they apologized for their hasty decision and asked us to stay. So, I guess they were just kidding.

Only it wasn't that funny.

Thanks for all of the support through that time of domicile ambiguity. I really appreciate the understanding and offers of hit men and such. For a while, part of me wanted to just make a clean break and avoid unpredicatble mind-changing landlords. But, in the hope that someone will give us a break when we're in our eighties, we decided to stay.

There was also the fact that we love it here and really really want to stay. We've been trying to enjoy ourselves and are well on our way to taking everything in our easy western lifestyle for granted. Just look at all that grass!

So, now it's official. We are again residents of Vashon Island. You are very welcome to visit ANYTIME. Come see the view out the living room window.

Hello House. Goodbye House.

2010-06-14T11:43:00.000-07:00

While still in B-desh we managed to find a house for us to rent. A near Utopian home with four bedrooms, an amazing view of the Puget Sound and Mt. Rainer, and beach access. The levels we stooped to in order to secure such a perfect spot are embarrassing but totally worth it (family members calling and visiting, and an email with a family bio and photo).

We spent last week moving every last bit of our worldly possessions into our new home. It was an exhausting and cathartic process that left us ready to sink into the oblivion of a settled happy life. Looking at the twinkling lights of the Tacoma skyline we imagined that we really had ended up where we always hoped.

Then, on Friday, there was a note on the door from our landlords who live in another house on the same property. They wanted to talk and when we finally had a chance to sit down with them together they said, "We don't think this is the house for you. We think you folks should move out."

Oh sad day of frustration and worry!

So, the fact that our phone and Internet were finally hooked up today is bittersweet since we'll have to leave it all behind in a short while. I'm on a mission online today to look for somewhere new.

Going Home

2010-06-09T06:42:00.000-07:00

The last leg of our journey home was a packed flight on United from San Francisco to Seattle. After four days of airplanes, airports, hotels, and amusement parks we all got buckled in and promptly fell asleep.

We stayed in our seats as everyone else disembarked to give the kids a few extra moments of sleep. As the other passengers filed past the compliments were forthcoming.

"What well behaved children!"

"I had no idea there were children on the plane they were so quiet!"

I smiled ironically to myself thinking of what we had gone through in order to have peace and quiet on this last tiny two hour flight home. Still, it's nice to think that there are passengers out there impressed with how well behaved our sleeping children can be to offset the dozens that had to endure Enzo's angry crying and Lena's manic screaming on the two flights before.

I'm so glad that's over.

81 Dome Mosque

2010-06-01T04:49:00.001-07:00

I just watched the slideshow of pictures from the trip. It sounds like the main themes were heat, patience, and attitude. A good recipe for dealing with life in B-desh.

Now we're in the throes of sorting and packing. Just two more days in Chittagong.

Happy Birthday Enzo!

2010-05-27T23:43:00.000-07:00

Do you remember this little guy? Today he turns two.

He's pretty busy these days tackling his sister and throwing dinosaurs but, luckily for me he hasn't lost his snuggling skills. We're not marking the occasion very well since he's home alone with me and Lena. I tried to sing Happy Birthday to him but got shut down. He wanted "Twinkle Twinkle" instead. I did give him some brownies with banana. I think he appreciated that at least.

We also want to send birthday wishes to Enzo's special birthday buddy. Happy Birthday Chaka!

Keep Them Busy

2010-05-25T00:37:00.000-07:00

Bryce, Titus and Maggie left yesterday afternoon for their big trip to the Sundarbans. Maggie was lucky to get to go despite last minute change of plans. So now it's just me and these little crazies for the next week or so. Here they are getting some energy out on the treadmills. Didn't last nearly long enough.

Terri Bazaar

2010-05-24T01:42:00.000-07:00

Saturday night, right about when the babies go to bed, Summer decided we should go visit Terri Bazaar. It's a market about town with a reputation for amazing fabric, killer accessories, and cheap prices. Summer and I went with Carol, the most famous math mom in Chittagong, out into the dark and drizzling rain.

I'm constantly impressed with the dazzling bling on the clothes around here. I am a pebble among gems. Maria continues to be disappointed in my faded t-shirts (even though most of them were made in B-desh!). Once when I wore dangly earrings she told me shyly that they were very beautiful. The truth is that I would really like to wear irridescent colors, beaded bangles, embroidered mirrors, and rhinestone studded sandals. So, we went out to see what we could find.

The Bazaar didn't disappoint. We were dropped off down a long alleyway bordered by piles of soot and garbage that the rain had turned into black mud. The smell of stale urine drifted in and out on the breeze. In many ways it was a typical Chittagong side street. But the dark night sky was brilliantly illuminated by the shining fabrics and gold threaded ribbons displayed in the shops lining the street. Even when the power went out the street glowed, almost arrogantly, as if it knew just how beautiful it was.

I had a great time. I loved it all, including stepping in the mud and being grazed by passing rickshaws. The picture doesn't do it justice (of course) but hopefully the saris and ribbons I bought will be just as brilliant in the days to come.

Sightseeing

2010-05-21T21:23:00.000-07:00

This last week we spent our mornings "sightseeing". Thanks to Summer we were able to go without Enzo and Lena! Next week Bryce and Titus are hoping to see some tigers in the wild when they visit The Sundarbans. Maggie is looking forward to her performance in the Elementary School Closing Program. The littleuns and I are looking forward to some cool rainy weather brought on by Laila. Here are some glimpses of last week:

Titus swimming with some kids in the Bay of Bengal. The water was warmer than than the oppressive muggy air. Titus was sweating when he came out.

Ladies at the garment factory making some shorts for K-Mart.

A peek into the Catholic School where the children from the orphanage attend. Such beautiful grounds and gardens. The staff were caring and attentive. It was painted cheerful bright colors. But, it was still hard to leave those little babies behind.

Bryce with a couple stacks of life rings recovered at the shipbreaking yards. We didn't get to see them in action but we did a bit of shopping. Bought an old spyglass.

Book Review

2010-05-18T00:57:00.000-07:00

Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide by Nicholas D. Kristof

My rating: 5 of 5 stars A very important message and call to action. I so appreciate the women who shared their stories and the authors' efforts to make a difference in a world needing change. There might have been some inaccuracies and inconsistencies, and I can't make a blanket statement agreeing with the book as a whole, but I'm so glad I read it and highly recommend it.

Garment Factory Tour

2010-05-17T01:09:00.001-07:00

By Titus:

Today we visited a garment factory. It wasn't anything like I expected. I thought it was going to be by open street not an alleyway! I thought it would look fancy not beat up!

Inside was a different story. First, we walked up a flight and 1/4. Then, we got to the main floor. Accidentally, we went the wrong way. First we had to see the manager. So we went in his office and talked a while. Finally he agreed to give us a tour.

We went to the working area. I can't remember the name of the first area but I think it's where they put, store and check the clothes they make. The second area must have been really boring because I can't remember what it was. The third was a stitching and sewing and a little cutting. This was also the floor where the doctor was.

The next floor was about the same just no doctor. Then we had a snack and left.

By Maggie:

Today I visited a garment factory. When I was there I was really surprised to see so many sewing machines. All the sewing machines looked different. Some were big, others were small. But all women worked on them.

Today I also visited a beach. At the beginning I got a little wet. But even though there were people watching I played on the rocks and sat on the rocks.

Even the car ride was fun because I sat and sat and sat and it was fun because I was sleepy.

Coconut Harvester

2010-05-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

We live on the third floor. Apartment 3D if you're ever in the neighborhood and feel like visiting.

It's actually the fourth floor since the ground floor doesn't count around here. That puts our view right at the frond level of a full grown coconut palm.

For the past few moths we have been watching some coconuts ripen on the trees outside our kitchen window. The other morning I heard some rustling outside the window. When I looked outside I saw this guy crouched in the tree. Just your friendly neighborhood coconut harvester and palm tree pruner. He climbed up and down with the help of a rope (and possibly some invisible limbs).

He was happy to let me take his picture because Enzo was with me, waving, and being uncharacteristically friendly. I think Enzo was very impressed. A new standard has been set for climbing skills.

Labour Suite

2010-05-12T22:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we finally made it to the maternity hospital. It is a private hospital and therefore fairly nice. We had to spend a little bit of time explaining why we were there and that we only wanted to see how things were done there. They were a little reluctant to let us in but finally called the Chief Medical Officer to meet us and give us a tour if she approved.

Dr. Rosie, wearing a white coat over her shalwar kameez, was soft spoken and efficient. We started in the induction room. A white walled room extending from the cement hallway with six metal framed beds. The beds were all full, some with two women together. They all laid obediently on their sides facing us. Nurses in white gowns and peaked caps were about, checking their IV bags and cutting fruit onto a metal plate in the corner.

Behind us a doorway was cut through the wall. The opening was covered by hanging fabric. When it was pulled back we could observe the delivery room. Three high beds were pushed against the wall. All were occupied and the tiny woman in the center bed was calling out in a voice universally acknowledged to herald birth. A nurse stood at her feet calmly setting instruments on a tray.

Just past the delivery room doorway was a wide door with a steep ramp leading down to the Operating Theatre. The anaesthesiologist was nearby and explained that he was preparing for his third C-Section that day. The lucky woman stood behind him near the table draped in a blue gown.

We saw the C-Section recovery room next and got only a small peek of the nursery (sweet little baby heads laying in wooden cots). Women with natural deliveries might stay for up to 24 hours but usually go straight home.

This entire labour suite could fit inside my apartment easily. And, amazingly, they do 700-800 births per month (they said perhaps 200 of them are cesareans).

As we asked questions and observed the quiet business of women around us involved in one of the most significant experiences of their lives I marveled at it all.

The building was old. There were chunks of cement missing from walls. There weren't doors or even curtains between the beds. And there was a significant absence of equipment (my ears and heart strained to hear the quickly skipping beats of an electronically monitored fetal heart rate). But, it was clean. The staff were efficient and pleasant. And I was comforted by the distinct impression that these women would be safely delivered and on their way home, happy with babies in arms.

And really, isn't that what it's all about?

Ridin' Around in My CNG

2010-05-10T21:30:00.000-07:00

Bryce, Titus and Maggie took me out to dinner the other night for Mother's Day. We decided to go to a new restaurant (very worth it) that was across town so the first step was cramming into a CNG together and enduring the hot and dusty fume filled 20 minute ride. Bryce snapped some shots of the trip.

It reminded me that I never posted on here the Warden's Message (from the US Embassy here) from late March.

Recently a U.S. Embassy employee was injured during a purse snatching while riding in a Rickshaw. An unknown subject leaned out of a window of a passing vehicle and grabbed the employee’s purse. The employee was pulled violently off the rickshaw and dragged, sustaining multiple abrasions. The incident occurred in the diplomatic zone in the early evening.

The recent incident involving rickshaw use is a reminder that one is exposed to special risks whenever riding on a rickshaw. To minimize exposure to accidents and crimes of opportunity, each passenger should carefully evaluate the situation when making a decision to use a rickshaw. Factors might include the expected route, time of day, traffic congestion, condition of the rickshaw and assessment of the rickshaw driver. It is strongly recommended that handbags, knapsacks and the like not be carried while riding on a rickshaw. For security reasons, the Embassy recommends that U.S. citizens avoid riding in taxis, buses, and engine-powered rickshaws (CNGs).

Of course if you take away rickshaws, CNGs, buses, and taxis there really isn't any way for us to get around since we don't have our own car and driver. We decided to keep risking it. But I always try to make friends with the drivers by paying them way more than necessary. It's like insurance, right? And besides, I'm no good at bargaining.

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-08T20:37:00.000-07:00

Life can be complicated and unforgiving. It is full of suprises and sometimes switchbacks that catch us off guard and, in my case at least, throw us off balance. Lately I've had plenty of time and opportunity to appreciate how the things that trip me up pale in light of the challenges of others.

I have never faced the kind of struggle that meets so many women of the world on a daily basis. Extreme poverty, hunger. Violence or threat of violence. Lack of education, lack of choice. Prostitution and trafficking.

Essentially, I have experienced a near fairy tale life all this time without really realizing it. I have spent most of my life surrounded by strong capable women and supportive men. People around me have always assumed I could do the things I wanted to do, and I basked (and sometimes succeeded) in their encouragement.

On Mother's Day, which always feels like a celebration of all women to me, I want to thank and recognize the amazing women in my life. Those who have, by example and practice, shown me the value of education, love, play, and opportunity. My life has been blessed by you.

I hope and pray, on a daily basis, that I can do the same for others. For my children, for you, and for women around the world.

Thank you!

The Birthday Recap

2010-05-08T20:01:00.000-07:00

Maggie's birthday celebration lasted several days: Toys and a special outfit to school on her birthday. Swimming at the Peninsula Hotel in the afternoon. Dinner and playing at Sugar Bun. An entire banana split to herself! Yesterday we finished things off with a party with friends. Anzeli and Maria outdid themselves with a feast for lunch so while the kids watched a movie projected on the wall we got to chat and eat with some friends and neighbors. A great day all in all. Happy Birthday Maggie

Maggie wanted to blog about her birthday

2010-05-05T01:26:00.000-07:00

Today was my 8th birthday! I feel so different now. And I'm excited because I'm finally going to go to Disneyland in Hong Kong.

Love, Maggie

Zoo Trip

2010-05-01T05:20:00.000-07:00

Bryce and a colleague made plans to go to the zoo today (Saturday). They are part of a summer program for students to learn active observation skills through bird watching and identification. The zoo has birds so they thought it might be a good place to start.

When I realized that I was going to be stuck at home on a weekend morning doing the same thing I do every other day of the week I did the unthinkable and invited myself along! Two academics on a work related outing wouldn’t mind the company of a bored mother and four busy kids, right?

The zoo is about what you would expect from the second biggest city in Bangladesh. Animals lounged in the shade or paced their concrete floor in repetitive unhurried motion. We were separated from the animals by a thick wire mesh and, for the more dangerous animals (lions and tigers and bears - oh my), there were some bamboo fences lashed with wire.

In all reality we could have touched most of the animals if we had wanted to. But, we didn't really want to. They smelled strongly of urine and didn't have much to do besides roll around in dust all day.

Titus and Maggie made use of the bird watching binoculars to get some close up views. Their comments on the animals centered on a dismal theme.

"The alligator is dead. No wonder... he doesn't have any water."

"The monkey is dead. Oh, no he's not. I can see him breathing. He must be dying."

"Aren't snakes supposed to move. It must be dead too."

"The birds are the only lively thing in this zoo. No wonder Papa wants his students to watch them.

Unfortunately, Lena didn't seem to be able to see most of the animals. In her defense, they were mostly very still, away from us observers, and hidden in shade. She spent most of her time wondering why I wouldn't let go of her hand and let her try to climb the fence by the Asiatic Black Bear Cage.

Enzo was definitely the most impressed. Maybe he's the most settled culturally because the wonder in his eyes seeing a bear prowl around just a few feet away was identical that of the tiny Bangladeshis around us.

We went to the zoo to observe the animals but with inevitable irony we ended up being observed ourselves. We were followed the whole time we were there and any time we stopped the crowd grew and cell phone cameras started clicking. Children and adults all watched us with unembarrassed persistence. I felt like we should be behind a cage with a label (Wild Americans, very rare).

I might have lost my cool once when a father with two kids tried to take some sneaky shots of me and the babies from behind. "No!" I said, rather loudly. "We're not animals at the zoo. Take pictures of the animals." He was very apologetic. I feel bad I wasn't more cool.

The entire tour cost 15 Taka (about 20 cents). It was worth every penny. At least we can say we saw a Bengal Tiger while we were in Bangladesh.

(note: picture is not mine. Our camera is still non-functioning and none of the animals had anything green near them).

Playgrounds

2010-04-27T21:35:00.001-07:00

Next door to our building is an elementary school. When we're down in the carport in the mornings we can hear high pitched voices calling to each other. They get higher and more insistent when they spot us through the barred windows on the second floor that see over the wall. The brown faces with big smiles press to the window and call to Enzo and Lena. The babies never notice but I always get distracted. It must bug the teachers too because on a couple of occasions someone has come along to close the shutters with a bang.

Yesterday the AUW students and faculty faced off in a basketball game in the court at the school next door. The kids and I went to watch. It was the first time we'd been in their courtyard. I thought that maybe we could spend time on their play equipment when the little ones lost interest in the game. I had seen the play area and from our rooftop. From 5 floors up it looked quite cheerful. By "quite cheerful" I mean that everything was painted red.

The playground consisted just of a couple of metal swings and two teeter totters (one of which was broken and unusable). We played on both for a while and unsurprisingly little people did get hurt. Ragged and pitted concrete doesn't make for soft landings, even when covered in a thick layer of dust and litter. The kids had the most fun jumping off a broken concrete staircase whose railing was nothing but rubble and whose metal frame stuck out threateningly in all directions.

Sometimes it's hard to remember the green grass surrounding the network of colorful playgrounds we were once accustomed to.

A friend of ours once told us a story of an international aid organization that raised money to build a playground here in Bangladesh. It was to cost 10,000 US dollars to get the playground here and set up. The money was raised by donation while people here found the perfect village and location for the park. Everything was in order until a government official announced that there is a tax on something like that. About $15,000 dollars, he thought. The organization tried to negotiate and explain how they would never be able to pay a tax like that. In the end, the playground was built somewhere in Africa.

Morning Blues

2010-04-24T19:19:00.000-07:00

It's late morning but dark and gray outside. The atmosphere is heavy with anticipation and maybe even rain. I hope it cools things down, maybe a breeze will find its way inside.

The dark day fits my mood. I'm sneezing and sniffling, allergic to who knows what, and wondering where my patience has gone. Perhaps it's still enjoying the weekend.

Hair Cut Specifics

2010-04-21T07:32:00.000-07:00

The other day Titus came home with an unexpected homework assignment. In the "other" section of his homework journal was written "haircut". He explained that his teacher had asked him to write it down because his hair was too long and for each day he returned to school with it un-cut he would receive a demerit. Titus was really bugged.

We waited for Bryce to get home. He went straight to the source, the student handbook which states, under the heading "General Appearance":

Students should be habitually clean and dressed neatly. The school uniform is to be worn on all class days and for all public school functions... Boys should have their hair trimmed regularly...

The next few minutes were spent wondering why anyone would include such an non specific rule in the handbook.

For example, "What do they mean by regular? That just means at even intervals. Every six months is regular, or every two years for that matter."

"What about trimmed?!? Half an inch could be cut off waist length hair and that could be called trimmed!"

You get the idea. You have to be specific around these guys.

There was some talk of resisting the injunction. Titus didn't want to be told when to get his hair cut, after all, and nobody felt like taking a trip down the dusty street to the barber.

But, since Titus doesn't actually care how long his hair is, they finally decided to go.

The pictures are pre-cut. What do you think? Too long? I don't have any after pictures because it looks like the camera isn't waterproof anymore.

Thoughts on Polygamy

2010-04-19T05:34:00.001-07:00

"Bangladesh, like many others countries with large Muslim population, does have law, as personal law, to regulate polygamous marriage of its Muslim communities. The relevant portions of that law, i.e., section 6 of the Muslim Family Laws Ordinance 1961, reads as follows:

1. No man, during the subsistence of an existing marriage, shall, except with the previous permission in writing of the arbitration council, contract another marriage …

2. … (such) application form … shall be submitted to the chairman (of the arbitration council)… and shall state the reasons for the proposed marriage and whether the consent of the existing wife or wives has been obtained thereto.

3. On receipt of the application … the Chairman (of the arbitration council) shall ask the applicant and his existing wife or wives, each, to nominate a representative, and the arbitration council so constituted may, if satisfied that the proposed marriage is necessary and just, grant, subject to such conditions, if any, as may be deemed fit, the permission applied for.

This law has given the Arbitration Council a wide discretionary power to deal with the issue. Also, it has not defined what can possibly be ‘necessary and just grounds’ in this regard. These are why, according to legal experts, this law is prone to be abused. They think it necessary to define the expression ‘necessary and just ground’ with illustrations. Herewith I would like to add that that should be done in light of the rules of conduct provided in the holy Quran. No doubt, that will ensure maximum good to the Muslim individuals as well as the society."

Excerpt from Polygamy in Bangladesh

by Ana on Dec.20, 2009, under polygamy in various countries

I've had some interesting exposure to the idea of polygamy the past few days and wanted to find out more about it's role in Bangladeshi life. Unsurprisingly, the practice of polygamy here doesn't always follow the letter of the law (Or the spirit of the law for that matter. Refer back to the article above for an interesting summary of the interpretation of polygamy from the Quran).

It seems common to hear stories of Bangladeshi men marrying their second wives secretly, without the knowledge or permission of their first wife. There also seems to be an unhappy tendency for families of first wives to be abandoned financially in light of the second marriage.

It is a huge social issue with complex reasons for and against. I know I only understand it on a very superficial level (especially since I'm a foreinger here and found these articles on the internet). I just wanted to share a little bit here because it's been on my mind.

I thought this article was interesting too, especially because it discusses some possible benefits of polygamy from a very simple muslim perspective.

For a chilling example of how one wife reacted to the news that her husband planned to marry again, read here.

Fun in the Sun

2010-04-17T20:39:00.000-07:00

We spent yesterday fulfilling the month long promise to take the kids back to the water park. What could be better than a sunny day playing with friends in the water? Add a couple of goats climbing around the water slides and some stray dogs wading in the green water next to the toddlers and you have a uniquely Bangladesh experience.

It's a bit tricky enjoying this water park to its fullest since they only have power enough to turn on one attraction at a time. It's pretty obvious when the wave pool is working, but sometimes figuring out which slide is going can be a challenge.

The other steep learning curve we faced yesterday related to the comparative effectiveness of Bangladeshi sunscreen. For a country obsessed with skin lightening lotions you'd think they'd put more effort into making good sunscreen. Ours didn't work at all. We're all a bit pink today.

Wow, that water looks much worse in the pictures.

Didn't

2010-04-14T23:01:00.000-07:00

You were so encouraging and still I couldn't bring myself to do the sari thing. But just look at this. Even despite my shockingly bad photography skills you can tell that Maria and Anzeli are quite stunning in their saris.

And then look at my goofy scary self with this apparition of Bangladeshi loveliness. I think this picture is reason enough itself for me to avoid saris in the future.

But, if you need further evidence, then listen to this!

Anzeli wears a sari everyday. No matter what the activity or weather she wears the ornate fabrics carefully wrapped around her tiny shirt and bare stomach. One day she explained to me that it's just the most comfortable option. She did squats, climbed on a chair, and jogged a little around the room to show me just how comfortable and movement friendly a sari can be.

The other main dress option here for women is the shalwar kameez. This includes pants, a tunic type top, and a long scarf. This is what Maria usually wears. On the day Anzeli was educating me on the many virtues of sari clad life she paused a moment to ask Maria why she didn't wear them more often. After a long serious discussion in Bangla Anzeli translated the reason why, "Sari make Maria too fat."

Yesterday, as the ladies leaving to their various New Year festivities Anzeli had Maria twirl around to show the overall effect of the shiny sequins and sewn on mirrors. She stopped her mid-twirl so she was facing away from us. "See," she says, pointing at Maria's well concealed backside, "sari make Maria too fat." She discussed this with Maria for a while who sadly nodded her head in agreement. They rearranged the drape of the fabric then went on their celebratory way.

Now I know there is very little chance I'll subject myself to such a revealing outfit among such honest people.

Two Angels

2010-04-10T21:57:00.000-07:00

Through some rather unpredictable set of circumstances we have become the lucky employers of two house helpers.

Anzeli (my angel in an orange sari) came back the other day. Recovered from both her illness and her heartache of losing her most beloved Dr. Michelle Madam (she said to me, "I cry cry all the time. If Dr. Michelle Madam say you come India with me, I go. I go."). We hadn't expected her back but we were happy to see her.

But, while Anzeli was unwell we had hired someone else. Maria, the young divorcee whose pernicious former husband apparently left her and their two children because he didn't want to pay the medical expenses that having a family might bring. I have felt very protective of and loyal to Maria since the day she fell sobbing uncontrollably on my shoulder.

So, we decided we would have them both. We hoped that maybe Anzeli could share some of her wisdom gained over years of experience working for western families with Maria who is just starting to figure out what to do and how.

It seemed like a good idea but I was nervous that they might not like it. What if there was some sort of fight for seniority? What if they didn't like each other and took it out on us? In my crime show laden mind I imagined everything from cat fights to turf wars.

But, it turns out I had nothing to worry about.

They have spent the last two days laughing and talking. Last night, while there was nothing to do, they sat together, cross legged on the floor and held hands. They pulled colorful scarves over their heads and listened to the evening call to prayer together.

Today we discussed the Bangladeshi New Year Holiday coming up on Wednesday. I wanted them to take the day off. They wanted to work. We compromised that they would just work half the day.

Then they told me that I should wear a sari for the Holiday. I laughed and explained that a midriff bearing outfit was out of the question for a person of my size. To their credit, they were genuinely surprised that I would think so. In fact, in their opinion, what better way to dress people of all sizes than a carefully draped length of ornate fabric. I hadn't considered that logic (and still don't).

It looks like my housekeeping and cooking skills might be obsolete for the next two months. I'm good with that.

Swimming

2010-04-08T22:09:00.000-07:00

Not much news lately. We took the kids swimming again last weekend. This time we tried the pool at the Agrabad Hotel. It was a much bigger pool but instead of being surrounded by flowering trees in decorative pots we were surrounded by stacks of old chairs and broken drain grates. These pictures are from the other pool. Sometimes it's fun to have a waterproof camera.

Easter Weekend Highlights

2010-04-05T01:46:00.000-07:00

* Dying eggs thanks to some great ladies who brought a kit back from the states for us. Duck eggs. They were the only white eggs we could find. The kids told me they taste pretty good.

* Maria's confusion at our egg dying enthusiasm. I found the leftover eggs in the freezer this morning... Definite confusion.

* Maggie's easter basket covered in ants after hiding on the fan blade all night long. They must have come down through the ceiling. She had an amazingly good attitude about it.

* Enzo and Lena's delight at their new, truly obnoxious, plastic musical toys.

* 1:00 am live audio broadcast of General Conference. Definitely worth it.

* Finding out that Bryce very likely isn't suffering from a rare tropical respiratory infection. Just another run of the mill cold.

* Summer came back!

* Thinking to myself that next Easter I'll get to be near my family, celebrate together, and look forward to many more Easters to come. Two months to go...

Drug Busters

2010-03-31T05:43:00.001-07:00

Today, instead of their usual maroon plaid uniform set Titus and Maggie were permitted to wear their Drug busters T Shirts and "a clean pair denim blue jeans". A small concession but they were both totally excited to forgo their usual proper appearance for something a little less traditional.

The front of the T-shirt gives the mathematical equation for drug less happiness:

Life - Drugs = Freedom

We hope the converse isn't true (as pointed out by our middle school neighbor):

Life = Freedom + Drugs

Maggie came home doubly excited by the news that she, "out of the whole elementary school" won first place in the poster contest. She said some of the other posters were disqualified because it was too obvious that an older brother or sister had helped them. Her poster said, "At WCA we say drugs go away!" Pretty clever, huh? She won 200 taka (not quite three dollars) and is planning on saving it for something special.

It sounds like there was a little program about drug avoidance given by the high school drama class. I asked what Maggie learned and she said, "Well, I'm definitely not going to drink drugs." So I think it was successful.

Storm Blog

2010-03-29T08:19:00.000-07:00

Last night I dreamed that someone was throwing chairs down from around the table. This morning when I woke up an awe inspiring thunderstorm was booming outside. Lightning flashed through the sky every few seconds and the deep rumbling was almost continuos. We watched, riveted to the spectacle just outside our window, until dawn lightened the sky to deep gray.

Rain started to pour, as the thunder died out. Palm trees blowing in the wind reached their bright green fronds to the sky as if in gratitude for the shower that rinsed off months of dust and soot.

It’s sunny now, and hot. But today the sun is shining on a new Chittagong. One that is crisp and green, full of electricity and possibility. Anything could happen on a day like this.

To Market

2010-03-27T23:15:00.000-07:00

We found these home made bubble wand sets at the market. They work really well.

At first she just asked if she could take Lena shopping. Then, when I refused, she came up with the idea that we all go shopping. There was such a sense of urgency and anticipation about the suggestion that I wavered, even though I knew there was no part of me that wanted to take two toddlers shopping in an open market in a developing country. She pounced on my hesitation and arranged for her brother to drive us. Through the 20 words we mutually know we arranged for a time. 3:00. That's when everyone is home from school or up from naps.

She was happy. She bounced around sweeping and mopping while I played with the little ones, uncomfortable in the corner already anxious about what I had agreed to do. After a little while she said she needed to go shopping and left. This was a huge relief. I thought maybe I had misunderstood and she decided to go without me.

I was reading on my bed when she came back, dazzling in a pink and blue shalwar kameez that sparkled and shined. Her hair was done. Heavy eye make up had been applied. "Madame," she said. "Go shopping."

Of course, there was no way we could go shopping then. Even if she did look so well prepared. I tried to convey the complicated sentiment that I wasn't about to go shopping when Enzo and Lena were napping, Maggie was due home from school in half and hour, and Titus an hour after that.

In the end I had to call a Bangladeshi friend to translate. She graciously spoke to both of us on the phone and when I got the phone back she related, "I've never heard of a maid thinking like this before. She wants you to go shopping with her and she thinks it will make you happy. She said you already promised to go and that her brother is waiting at the car. Andra, I have to tell you that this is very strange. I don't even know what to think of it."

I looked at Maria, so obviously excited to go and asked my friend to translate that I would go, just not until 3:00. So, all was settled. For real this time.

I had to resort to bribery to get Titus and Maggie to go. Enzo had to be awoken from a nap which goes against some very deep seated beliefs. But, at 3:00, we were downstairs, eight people piling into a car built for four.

The market wasn't very far away and we were able to park just outside the gate. We got out of the car and stepped over a man, missing both arms and both legs, prostrate on the ground. We walked by a child, with blood on his face and arms, who looked like he had been dragged on cement. We avoided and sidestepped children begging, huge eyes in gaunt faces, while we were whisked through the market.

After visiting a few shops, looking quickly at the wares while trying to keep Enzo quiet, Lena in view, Titus occupied, and Maggie polite, I realized that I was expected to spend up big. "Madame, shopping," was repeated by both Maria and her brother as I looked around desperately searching for something I actually wanted to buy.

I picked out a stainless steel tiered lunch box that Bryce had said he wanted. The brother bought it for me. Maggie picked out a red purse with sequins and fringe. He bought it again. Titus, Enzo and Lena all got plastic toys that broke immediately.

We walked around for an hour, looking for something for me. I should have just agreed to the earrings that looked like tiny chandeliers. Or one of the plastic sequined headbands or hair clips. But, in my distraction I couldn't concentrate and kept saying no until I realized I was stuck shopping until I bought something for myself. Fabric, I thought, as we walked towards a shop under a huge marquee. There has to be something here I would like.

Unfortunately, this is where Enzo, the sleep deprived toddler really lost it and where Lena became lost between the rows of hanging fabric. It was clear we had to go. Even Maria could tell.

So in the car on the way home her brother asked Maggie, "What is the favorite color of your mother?"

"Orange," Maggie replied.

"Madame," he turns his attention to me, "I will find for you some wonderful fabric for shirt. It will be orange, and perhaps white and perhaps black. Yes?"

"Yes," I agree. What else can I say?

Bryce laughed when I told him we had gone shopping. I didn't even tell him the whole story before he started laughing. And now I have an orange, black and white shirt to look forward to.

It was a thought provoking experience for me. Out of everything that I learned I think the one I appreciate most right now is that Maria, our maid, a 22 year old single mother in her first job, is looking out for me and wants me to be happy. Whatever other frustrations we run into (shopping or at home) that's really nice to know.

Outside Adventures

2010-03-23T23:05:00.000-07:00

When I say "outside" I really mean the covered carpark/basement of the building. When the little ones need a diversion out of the apartment we'll either head to the roof where the sun shines hot but the sky is pretty, or the basement where the dust is plentiful but the shade is nice. Today we went downstairs.

We usually take a ball or two downstairs and kick it around for a while. Then there is the fun involved in trying to play in the bucket of dirty water the drivers use to wash the cars. That usually leads to trying to touch the newly shined vehicles leaving smeared handprints for the drivers to wash off later.

Sometimes the guards take a break from gate watching and newspaper reading to play a little bit. This guy is often running back and forth practicing his cricket bowl. He sometimes makes fun of Enzo's bad form when throwing the ball but Enzo doesn't mind. They're good friends.

Sometimes we play a little hide and seek around the generator. But when it's on we try to avoid the exhaust.

We also try to avoid this table that is ominously piled with wires presumably capable of both providing the entire building with power and electrocuting unsuspecting passersby (especially those with damp little hands).

There's a great little cart to push and be pushed in (although I never seem to get a turn).

And that's what it's like to play with Enzo and Lena downstairs. We've done it often enough that they've got the whole routine down to half an hour. That includes the time it takes for the necessary wash down and change of clothes that follows each visit "outside".

Taking it Slow

2010-03-23T00:18:00.000-07:00

We're getting back on track. There hasn't been any fevers or unexplained bouts of tearfulness today. We're taking it slow and taking advantage of all the books we've accumulated in the past month. Thanks to some well timed care packages and an unplanned trip home we now have enough books to keep everyone in reading. Titus is reading the Animorphs books for the third or fourth time now. Maggie is making her way through Junie B. Jones and Horrible Harry. Enzo's favorite seems to be Brown Bear again and Lena's favorite is still which ever book Enzo has.

Malaise

2010-03-20T07:20:00.000-07:00

|məˈlāz; -ˈlez|

noun

a general feeling of discomfort, illness, or uneasiness whose exact cause is difficult to identify : a society afflicted by a deep cultural malaise | a general air of malaise.
The occupants of this apartment are suffering from severe malaise. Symptoms include lying for long periods of time on pillows and staring at ceilings. Or if one is a toddler, purposeless whining and wandering about in only diapers.
The resident head nurse blames the hot weather. I don't disagree. I just want it to go away. I'm opposed to any discomfort, illness, or uneasiness that decreases toddler nap times.

Mr Fix It

2010-03-14T23:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday the plumber came to fix the drain in our wet sink (I will not describe the odious concept that is a wet sink since it is probably the one thing in Bangladesh I hate the most). But the plumber comes and I start to feel embarrassed, like someone is playing a joke on me, because he's the same guy that has been introduced to me before as the electrician and carpenter.

I'm not complaining. I think he does a good job, fixing everything from drains to light switches, I'm just not sure how to respond. Do I act as though we've never met before (even though he was here last week) since now he's in his plumber persona? Do I smile and say, "I remember you"?

I suspect they use these titles to reassure me that he knows what he's doing but I think I'd prefer a ubiquitous title like The Fix it Guy or Repairman. It makes me miss Fred, the capable facilities manager at Orchard Park, who didn't see the need to rename himself every time he came to our apartment.

However, lest my mom worry she's raised such an ungrateful child, he did do a good job. He even cleaned out the drain in our shower.

Poolside

2010-03-13T00:57:00.000-08:00

Today Titus and Maggie met someone new who asked them, "What do you like to do for fun?"

Titus said, "Play video games."

Maggie said, "Movies."

I just wanted to post some pictures of them having fun to prove to myself they like to do other things as well.

Here they are playing in the inflatable paddle pool I brought with me last week. Kudos to Target for having their summer stuff out in March. Check out the guy on the roof of the next building who watched them play for about 20 minutes.

F is not for Fun

2010-03-09T22:52:00.000-08:00

I know you're aware of Titus' hate hate relationship with school. If not, then I'll just sum it up: Titus hates going to school here.

About a month ago I saw a spark of hope. He was given an assignment to create his own insect. The requirements: draw a picture of the insect in its ecosystem, create a model of the insect, and write a paragraph describing the ins and outs of this insect's life.

Titus was totally hooked. He came home from school, immediately filled out his worksheet to help his assignments along, and made a 3-D model of the insect he named Grant on the computer. It was such a relief to have him be so engaged.

Fast forward to a few days ago when we got an email from his teacher informing us that Titus had not turned any of it in and that he was facing getting three F's for the science assignments he was missing.

This sparked a long discussion between two confused parents about the relative value of education, assignments, and learning. Is there any way to force a feeling of intrinsic value in school and school work? Is this just a nine year old boy thing to do? Are Bryce and I just confused because we belong to the boring set who actually liked school?

We talked it over with the little guy and weren't at all surprised when he said he didn't care if he got all F's. He wasn't surprised either when we said we did care so he gamely finished all three assignments in about an hour and a half and turned them in the next day. Ms. J (bless her) extended the deadline for our irresponsible little procrastinator and he came home the same day with three perfect scores.

He couldn't quite hide his smile when he told me his grade. He even went so far as to say his classmates were impressed with Grant - the realistic burrowing insect.

But, I'm still not sure. Were we right to force the issue? Would it have been better to leave him to his F's and the satisfaction of knowing he made his point?

Welcome Back

2010-03-08T19:45:00.000-08:00

During the 45 minute flight between Dhaka and Chittagong I was given a snack box with a samosa, pakora, and sandwich inside. I wasn't hungry but the sari draped stewardess insisted and added a mango juice box to the mix. I sat with the boxes perched on my knees until we were landing when I inexplicably stuffed them into my purse and carried them off the plane.

I picked up my luggage and made my way street side where I had hoped to find a CNG to take me the final half hour of my trip. No luck. The three CNG's that were there were quickly filled by other passengers so I stood frantically wondering what to do next. Of course, I played it cool for the other passengers, making sure they could never tell that I hadn't planned to stand in the humid sunshine with a couple of suitcases and no way to get home. Luckily, an entrepreneur with a van offered me a ride and after a quick negotiation (I'm not much of a barterer) we headed off to his van.

Crossing the street put me directly into the midst of the tiny hungry beggars so sadly common here. A little boy, maybe around five, with a toddler on his hip followed me for a while. Sometimes he'd lightly hold my fingers. Sometimes he'd stroke my arm. I pulled the snack box out of my purse and handed it over. He broke into a surprised grin, held the prize over his head, and took off running down the street.

I had a ridiculous cozy feeling inside knowing I had made this little kid so dang happy for just a few moments. I walked along with a lighter step towards my ride home and as I approached it I realized I was being followed by two airport security guards. They were wearing the threatening purple/turquoise/khaki camouflage that inspires my cautious suspicion. I stopped with the driver by the van. The guards stop two.

"Hello Madam." One of them says. Tall with a mustache.

"Hello." I say.

"I see you give something to the children."

"Yes," I admit.

"Ah." He smiles at the other, a short man, skinny, who is also smiling. "This is not good. It's... illegal."

"I just gave them some food. They were hungry." I'm confused. Why are they smiling so much?

Short and Skinny responds, "Yes, and I'm hungry too." I'm catching on now and tell them I have nothing left and if I did I would give it to the kids anyway. They think this is pretty funny.

Mustache starts again, "Is illegal but I forget for maybe twenty dollars." Short and Skinny nods. Apparently he could forget for twenty bucks too.

They were definitely the most cheerful hustlers I've ever encountered. They kept at it, asking for 10, then 5, then just one dollar. They never seemed the slightest bit disappointed when I refused and even waved and smiled as we drove away.

So, in summary, I made it back to Chittagong. Safe and Sound.

Back to Bangladesh

2010-03-05T09:39:00.000-08:00

Just a few hours until my flight leaves. So many thoughts and feelings I'm not up to the task to share. A sad goodbye to my family here. A hopeful hello to family there. And one of my favorite poems continuously on my mind.

Last night as I was sleeping,
I dreamt—marvelous error!—
that a spring was breaking
out in my heart.
I said: Along which secret aqueduct,
Oh water, are you coming to me,
water of a new life
that I have never drunk?

Last night as I was sleeping,
I dreamt—marvelous error!—
that I had a beehive
here inside my heart.
And the golden bees
were making white combs
and sweet honey
from my old failures.

Last night as I was sleeping,
I dreamt—marvelous error!—
that a fiery sun was giving
light inside my heart.
It was fiery because I felt
warmth as from a hearth,
and sun because it gave light
and brought tears to my eyes.

Last night as I slept,
I dreamt—marvelous error!—
that it was God I had
here inside my heart.

By Antonio Machado

Translated by Robert Bly

Forever Families

2010-03-03T00:17:00.000-08:00

Life continues in perpetual unforgiving motion. In three days I will board a plane and revel in bittersweet memories while steadily moving closer to holding my children tight. I am lucky I have chubby arms and clumsy hugs to look forward to.

Just look at that little face!

Saying Goodbye to Chloe

2010-02-27T11:24:00.000-08:00

A week ago I was in Malumghat with my family for a mini-vacation when I got an email with the urgent message to call home. It was midnight. I called my sister, one of the twins, five years older than me and a rock of support since childhood. "It's Andra," I said. "I just got your message. Is everyone okay?" My heart was racing and I held my breath hoping the email was less important than it sounded.

"No," she replied, knowing there was no way to ease into the news. "Chloe died." And then we cried together on the phone a thousand miles away from each other. I had to go home. Fifty hours later I arrived to the home of my childhood and a scene of intense grief and gracious hope. I have felt privileged to be here from the moment I came.

The past few days have been spent poring over pictures of a round cheeked blue eyed beauty. A sweet baby who quite literally made everyone fall hopelessly in love with her. She is a shining star in the broad sky of our family. We have marveled at the impact of her short life and have stood speechless in the face of the love and support of others.

Chloe changed my life with her mere presence and joy. In her death I am grateful for the comfort of the spirit and for my testimony of our Savior, Jesus Christ and of his love and sacrifice for us. I am grateful to know she will live again and be with her faithful parents who love and miss her immensely. I am grateful for her gentle reminder to love my children always.

My little sister, Chloe's beautiful mom, said it was okay to post this and link here if you'd like to get to know Chloe a little bit better. She's worth it.

Redhead Holding Hands (Happy Valentines Day)

2010-02-14T18:04:00.000-08:00

I like this picture because it shows two cultural phenomenon that surprised me.

First, the orange/red hair. There was this older guy on the airplane over with us who had dyed his hair and beard bright orange. I thought he must be a quirky fellow until we got off the plane and started to run into the glossy hue on men everywhere. It's henna dyed and is apparently so popular because the prophet Mohammed was supposed to have reddish hair.

The second thing is these two business men walking down the street hand in hand. Men and boys of all ages here are constantly hugging or walking together holding hands, or resting their hands with friendly ease on each others hips and shoulders.

I saw the same thing in Vietnam but I guess it surprises me here because of my preconceived notion that Muslim men are more staunch and less affectionate. I have no idea why I think I should have any idea how Muslim men should behave, but I guess I do.

Anyway, kudos to these anonymous businesmen who unwittingly displayed some of my favorite points of cultural interest.

KFC

2010-02-13T07:01:00.000-08:00

We went to Kentucky Fried Chicken today for our neighbor's birthday party. She turned six. Enzo calls her "La La" for some reason. When I told her mom she said, "That is a rather affectionate nickname, don't you think?" I was a little worried about this ambiguous response but after thinking it over I think she means she likes it.

KFC was all we expected it to be. A very American feeling locale down to the poster on the wall explaining how the Colonel came up with his original recipe.

One thing surprised us, though. The staff were noticeably stressed out. They were all over the "no shoes in the playspace" policy. They ran around with stacks of plates piled high with chicken. There was one worker sweeping the entire time we were there, snaking the broom under tables and chairs to recover fries as soon as they fell. No one smiled. No one chatted.

This was in stark contrast to the usual come what may attitude that one usually finds in customer service situations here. I'm afraid the KFC is embracing the grumpy task oriented American worker persona along with the chicken sandwiches. It's kind of a bummer.

Reduce Reuse Recylce

2010-02-10T20:24:00.000-08:00

I remember reading an article a few years ago about recycling efforts in Bangladesh. Apparently there is an industry here for collecting and sorting the plastic drink bottles from other countries. There were pictures in the article of children climbing over color coded mountains of plastic. There were pictures of women carrying huge loads of discarded plastic on their heads.

There is also a big shipbreaking industry here. Aging ships come here on their final journey, deposit their wares, and then stay, beached and ready for demolition. They're torn apart by hundreds of men climbing like spiders up and over every inch, sorting and saving every last usable item.

There is road out of Chittagong lined with shops selling salvaged shipbreaking items. There are piles of rusty beams, sheet metal, circular windows, ladders, gumboots, faded orange life rings and anything else you can imagine being recovered from the doomed disabled vessels. Our friends told us they once found dozens of slot machines for sale there. What kind of ship was that?

Of course, this is a great thing. I'm truly impressed with the environmental and financial benefits harnessed by these efforts.

And, I hope that this same spirit of salvage and reuse isn't applied (as rumors have said) to the piles of medical waste sometimes seen, heaped and waiting for removal, on the side of the street. I stepped on a catheter the other day (accidentally, with shoes on). It was lying next to a syringe.

Sign

2010-02-07T20:03:00.000-08:00

It says "Beauty Parlour & Sliming Center".

Do you think it means "slimming" or some sort of face mask?

Turning Two

2010-02-06T19:51:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we celebrated Lena's second birthday! We planned a day focused on toddler enjoyment.

We started out in a CNG going to the peninsula hotel. This requires 2 CNG's for our family and it's never totally clear if the driver knows where we want to go. So there is always the possibility we could end up in separate but equally unfamiliar parts of the city. Hasn't happened yet.

We rode to the Peninsula Hotel, the self proclaimed best business hotel in the city. We just went for the pool which you can use for 400 taka per person per hour. It's crazy expensive , but we were celebrating after all. Because it's winter here the gardeners and pool attendants were very disapproving of letting the babies get wet. We decided to risk their health in the chilly eighty degree weather despite their hands on hips warnings.

After swimming we walked over to Sugar Bun, the fast food joint in town with the biggest play place. All the kids had a good time, climbing on the random collection of toys and avoiding the Sugar Bun employees praying in the back corner. The one downer was the little boy who was so scared of us white folks that he started screaming every time Lena walked, pig tails bouncing, his way.

The Sugar Bun Bakery made the personalized bunny cake that ended the party. We drew even more attention to ourselves singing happy birthday to the bemused but delighted Lena. We walked home quickly through the crowded dusty streets, back to the apartment for baths. She looked ready for sleep as we put her down with a final reminder, "Happy Birthday, Lena. We're glad you're here."

Goodbye

2010-02-05T02:25:00.000-08:00

Titus and friends playing soccer on the stairs

The residents of our apartment building are all staff and faculty of the university. It's a tight-knit supportive group of people from places and backgrounds as varied as as their specialties. Luckily for us, there were some talented parents among this group that brought children with them. From the day we arrived these kids, ranging in age from toddlers to teenagers, have helped keep each other entertained. They have been bright lights in the darkness of difficult adjustment.

Today a family left, taking two kids with them. We'll miss them. We'll miss their parents.

And, as an outsider, I can only speculate on how very much the university will miss their mom.

Birthdays

2010-02-02T23:04:00.000-08:00

Maggie is in second grade. She is 7 going on 8.

The last two weeks there have been several birthdays in her class. The kids have turned 9, 10, and yesterday one turned 11.

I was surprised but she reassured me, "Mom, don't worry. It's not like I'm falling behind."

I asked Titus but he had no clue how old anyone in his class is.

Better Coping

2010-02-01T18:13:00.001-08:00

It turns out that previous post was kind of a downer. I've heard that it didn't really jive with the rest of the blogtisti groove.

I think I was in a little bit of a funk yesterday. I suspect it has something to do with borrowing the first season of "Bones" from a neighbor. I have a love/hate relationship with crime shows. All those crazy murders tend to bring me down somehow... but I'm fascinated. I watched a couple of episodes pre posting and I think the melancholy came out in spite of myself.

It's morning now. No "Bones" yet. I'll tell you another way I've been coping.

Sometimes when there is laughing and pointing I smile and wave back. Sometimes I do the whole snake eyes thing back and forth, smiling the whole time, and I think they understand what I'm saying inside, "Hey, you can see me. I can see you. Isn't that cool?"

Once when I was walking to the university some teenage boys kept yelling and waving at me from a rickshaw stuck in traffic. I couldn't be annoyed because I was listening to Beyonce at the time so I waved back and smiled. Over the next few minutes, as traffic dispersed they kept waving and smiling, hanging out of the rickshaw as it rolled away. They were funny. I laughed and had a great day.

I appreciate the coping advice you've given me. I'll do better.

Coping

2010-02-01T02:38:00.000-08:00

I was warned.

In the tiny amount of time I dedicated of my pre-Bdesh life to preparing to come here I read about the attention bestowed upon foreigners here. But, since the book compared the attention to a famous movie star among fans, it was easy to forget it might be a problem.

We get a lot of attention. A lot of it is because of the children, especially the wee blond headed Lena. A lot of it is because of me. In a particularly skinny part of Asia I stand out even more than the usual visitor.

Crowds gather. We're often followed. Fingers point. Laughing, etc.

It can be stressful. So you develop coping strategies.

I went to a night market with Summer one time. A group of teenage girls followed me around for a while laughing and pointing at me while I perused gold ribboned fabric. I was suddenly so angry! My mind and heart raced for an outlet and what came into my head was all of the opportunity I have in my life compared to these girls. Instead of a zen like moment of charitable outreach, I wanted to shove it in their faces. "I've had opportunities you can't even dream of!" I wanted to shout, tantrum-like. "So leave me alone!"

I made it through the evening without indulging in that particular fantasy, and since then I've wanted to find out how others here cope. I felt like I needed something other than gloating about my wheel of fortune first world upbringing. I've asked around and heard how others cope with the public moments when you'd give anything for anonymity.

Don't make eye contact.

Keep walking.

Laugh a lot.

Pretend you're surrounded by aliens.

Pretend like everything around you is in slow motion.

Think of another place in the world, a busy place, like an intersection. Remember that people are sitting at that intersection right now, waiting for a light to change.

Fun Fair Weekend

2010-01-30T04:03:00.000-08:00

Another blessed weekend.

We just got home from the annual school fun fair. A carnival atmosphere with games and prizes galore. Enzo managed to keep the ice cream cone to himself since Lena thought it was too cold. She had a homemade doughnut. Maggie had a glittery butterfly painted on her face. Titus was bummed that he didn't win the cell phone in the big draw but seemed genuinely pleased with the inflatable Zebra he won in the music march.

The highlight for us was the tiny human powered wooden ferris wheel. No safety straps or rules need apply. I hope the video works.

Book Woes

2010-01-26T22:23:00.000-08:00

Last week I decided that the babies' paper shredding book destroying days were over. The remaining books with intact pages were relocated to a high shelf. Now reading time involves me holding the book and pointing out what they should be interested in (kidding!). This is really starting to make Lena mad. The scenario goes something like this.

A book is requested.

I get it off the shelf.

We sit down on the couch and prepare to read.

Lena realizes I'm not giving her the book to hold.

Attempts to commandeer the book are made.

Crying ensues.

Lena gets off the couch and begins an angry back arching march around the room.

Lena proceeds to hit things (so far only things not people) until she gets hurt (wooden bookshelf, cast iron bars, cement walls).

Lena, now hurt, comes back for a cuddle and ends up listening to the rest of the book.

This has been happening with progressive predictability for the last two days. It's both entertaining and alarming. Have I gone too far taking book privileges away? Can I expect an almost two year old to hold a book without attempting to remove it's front and back covers?

Embracing Bdesh: Juice

2010-01-24T21:39:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure how many other lucky countries import "Tipco" from Thailand but we're really digging the fact that Bdesh does. We've probably tried at least fifteen different flavors of juice from these guys and they're all delicious from broccoli and spinach to blood orange. Even Aloe Vera Juice turned out to be pretty good. They claim to be 100% natural and are sweetened with fruit juice only. The best part of it is how we can all enjoy this juice together. Bryce was thinking if this whole "professor" thing doesn't work out he might try to start a business importing "Tipco" to the states. For now we'll just keep bonding over breakfast with juice.

Chittagong Dhaka Highway

2010-01-23T22:02:00.000-08:00

I arrived in Bangladesh with the notion that I would be able to get to Dhaka once a month for church. We're closing in on the end of the month here and, I have to be honest, we might not make it back. There are a lot of factors that we learned to take into consideration on our anti-vacation about a month ago. One that we hadn't considered before is the treacherous nature of the Chittagong Dhaka Highway.

The other day I heard the story of an near miss involving some friends of ours on this harrowing stretch of road. I heard the story second hand but have no trouble believing that they spun 180 in the middle of the road, miraculously missing other traffic and also avoiding going over the steep embankment onto the nearby rice field.

On our trip along the Chittagong Dhaka highway we had our own accident of sorts. We rented a van and it came with a driver. Sharif (sp?) was ever so patient with the noise level in the van (I suspect it was partly to impress Summer. Once, he cleverly brought up the subject of marriage and immigration to the states in a conversation where they had previously been talking about oranges).

Sharif was a fair driver as far as I could tell. He seemed to honk at all the appropriate times, he stopped slamming on the brakes when he noticed how it made Enzo and Lena shoot forward off the bench, and he exuded a confidence behind the wheel that was impressive and comforting. He managed to lull us into such security that we could observe the overturned and flattened buses mired in filthy paddies with curiosity instead of dread.

So it was as Sharif was passing a bus that was passing a bus that we became trapped in between said bus and an oncoming truck. There was a sickening crunch as the truck scraped down the side of the van, taking out the rear light and twisting the door as it went. The colorful metal sides of the bigger vehicles were all that could be seen through the windows. It seemed certain that we were going to be crushed then left as prey to oncoming traffic. But, seconds later, the van was left alone, scarred but safe, in the middle of the highway.

That is when Sharif pulled a u-ey and chased down the offending truck. He forced the truck to pull off at a gas station where the drivers (and about 10 gas station guys) alternately yelled at each other and slapped the damaged van while we sat inside (wide eyed and unsure whether or not we should get out). About forty-five minutes later we were back on the road. It turned out it was the truck driver's fault.

I'm not so sure, in light of these blessed near misses, whether or not we should chance the Chittagong Dhaka Highway again. Maybe the train?

Block Printing

2010-01-22T21:00:00.000-08:00

Have I ever mentioned that one of my very lovely sisters in law lives here? Bryce's sister, Summer, works at the university as well and lives nearby. I know. I'm very lucky. To illustrate what an unbelievably great lady she is I'll tell you that I braved the streets of Chittagong all by myself (!) just for the privilege of hanging out with her.

Summer has a knack for turning wherever she is into a cozy familiar room that looks and feels like the home you never knew you had. She's had a grand idea for curtains in her room for a while and yesterday we tried out block printing to get them started.

A lot of the fabric here is decorated with block print. Maybe we should have asked someone who had done it before to show us the ropes. As it is we might have just turned her apartment into the scene of the biggest messiest stamping project ever. But we had a great time. And just looking at those little works in progress makes us happy.

Weekend, thank you for coming. Please come again soon.

Two (as in two seats)

2010-01-19T20:07:00.001-08:00

We didn't bring a stroller. It was a deliberate decision. We were bogged down with 15 items of luggage already. The good stroller we would have liked to bring weighs about two tons and takes a genius an hour to put up or take down. So we didn't bring it. Of course, as soon as we arrived we wished we had.

There is some doubt whether even that heavy duty, big wheeled son of a gun could have handled the sidewalks here. They are a patchwork of brick and cement of varying levels and angles that require the savvy pedestrian to watch his footsteps with athletic care. The curb varies in height up to 24 inches or so. The potholes are frequent, huge, and unmarked. Although, sometimes there is a skinny board balancing across the gap that the barefoot locals step across with admirable confidence. I walk around.

So who knows if our stroller would have managed it but when we arrived we realized we needed a way to get these little guys around.

Bryce and I went shopping one day for household essentials and stopped at a likely shop with ironing boards. While checking out the boards (with five or six shop assistants trying to help by setting the boards up and taking them down repeatedly) we noticed these little push bikes nearby.

They were made of the same kind of stinky brittle plastic popular in dollar store brands. They had bright clashing colors that hurt the eyes and heart. But to our arms, aching from carrying two toddlers around, these plastic push bikes looked like salvation! But, there was a problem. They were all single bikes and we have two little rascals.

We checked them out a little. We fiddled around with the handles until the shop assistants gave up on the ironing boards and came over to push them back and forth for us to see. We were very impressed.

"Two?" We asked gesturing at one of the single bikes, trying to indicate an extra seat. The assistants didn't speak English but the shop owner spoke a little.

"Ah, two." He replied and gestured expansively with both hands at two of the bikes in front of us.

We conferred for a minute trying to figure out a fail-proof gesture to indicate two seats. "No. Two." Bryce insisted pointing at one bike and patting the seat.

"Ah, yes." We waited a few minutes while one of the assistants hurried off in another direction. I was forced, with polite but unflagging insistence, to make myself comfortable on a tiny plastic stool in the crowded shop while the men stood around not knowing what to say considering Bryce's complete lack of Bangla.

Finally, the shop assistant returned with a bike in every way identical to the one Bryce had first pointed at. Bummer. "Two?" We tried again pointing at the seat with even more insistence.

"Ah, two. Yes. Not too big, not too little. Two, yes." It took a long time again to explain that while we agreed that two was a great age to be riding around on these bikes we actually wanted one with two seats. Finally, just as we were about to give up another assistant showed up with this gem. Two seats! We bought it right away and left in a hurry (probably our biggest mistake since we paid 85 dollars for it).

So now we have this ugly yellow bike. A tipsy little accident waiting to happen. It definitely can't handle the sidewalks around here but it manages the streets and car park okay (if you walk and turn slowly). We'll be lucky if it lasts through the month.

Good Cheese

2010-01-18T21:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Titus came and snuggled with me on the couch. He relaxed into me in a way I'm so familiar with from Enzo but that I haven't felt with Titus in so long. We talked.

He'd had a good day playing video games and Legos with one of the idolized older boys in the apartment building. They had even gone out to lunch just the two of them. Earlier, when I had given him the money for lunch, he had promised me that he wouldn't just eat naan. But it turned out that the food was too spicy and (tragedy of tragedies) some of it had gotten on to the naan, so he couldn't even eat all of that.

I reminded him that he had to go back to school today. Sigh, "I know," he said, turning over and getting comfortable on the other side. I was dually amazed at how big and how little he seemed.

Together, we tried to remember what activity was supposed to happen at school today. Was it music, library, or PE? No good, Titus still wasn't excited about going.

"I don't want to live here." He said quietly.

"I know."

Frustrated sigh. "It's just... I really wish we could live somewhere that we could always have good cheese, you know?"

"Yeah."

I hope he's having a good day at school today. Crackers in his tiffin box, but no cheese.

A Day in the Life

2010-01-17T17:56:00.000-08:00

Enzo and Lena have been pretty good about the change from living in a little cottage on 5 beautiful acres to an apartment without much opportunity to play outside. Unfortunately, they've become really good at watching the two Elmo movies we have. They also like bugging each other in the usual pinching pulling screaming fashion.

Enzo has become quite good at climbing the bars on the windows which means that we have walked into a room to find him clinging to the bars 6 feet off the ground (he hasn't figured out how to climb down).

Lena is passionate about playing with the desk drawers with has resulted in daily incidents of squished fingers (she doesn't seem to realize she's doing it to herself).

They've reset the wireless a couple of times and pulled apart all but two of the board books I brought. I've suspected for a while that I lack the kind of star quality that keeps little people happy day in and day out. Now I'm sure of it. So if you have any ideas how I can keep these guys entertained and out of trouble I'm open to suggestions...

Embracing B-desh: Shoes

2010-01-16T21:57:00.000-08:00

We did a little bit of shopping the other day for the babies who continue to grow. Bryce saw these shoes and couldn't resist. They were about 3 bucks each. Lena's pair are pretty impressive with a startling combo of floral, stripes, glitter, vehicles, sports (can't see in this photo), laces, and velcro. The sole has stars and fish. Enzo's pair are equally impressive, especially the blue sole, but he wouldn't stay still for a picture.

I learned from The White Tiger that all this in one pair of shoes means more value for the money. Why have shoes that are only pink when you could get all this? I think we got our money's worth.

Confession Time

2010-01-13T22:36:00.000-08:00

I have the impression that some of you might think that I'm an adventurous sort. That I'm a good traveller. That we must really have things together to come out here for a while to live. I shamefully admit that I might have reinforced that idea here and there but it's time to come clean. That's not me.

For months before we came my mantra was, "I don't want to go." So we would go over our options. Again and again we'd wade through the river of reasons the decision had already been made. And almost the instant I recommitted myself to the idea I'd have flashbacks of Vietnam (not the war) and think again, "I don't want to go."

Of course, it is a great opportunity and, as predicted, I don't regret being here. But I'm no great example of traveling genius. In fact, I might just barely fit the definition of a traveler at all since I spend most of my time avoiding meeting the chaotic face of Bangladesh head on.

For example, a true adventurer traveler buys the Bradt guidebook as a weight to assist their dive into a new culture and country. They understand the hip author's derisive comments about touristy hotels with clean sheets. I, on the other hand, look for phrases like "interact with the locals" and automatically want to cross that beach or restaurant off the list.

I do wish I were a little more of the adventurous traveler type. I'm surrounded by cool expats, faculty and staff of the university, that swap developing country stories like baseball cards. I'm awestruck by their confidence and endurance. I wish I were more like that. But it's time to be honest. I'm not.

I just felt like you should know.

VIP in town

2010-01-09T19:38:00.000-08:00

I didn't have anything to do with it but everyone around me was buzzing with the news. Thought you might want to read about the VIP in town. I spent the day reading to the babies, getting my hair done by Maggie and a friend, getting to be a voice over in the movie Titus and the boys were making, and trying to keep it cool when all the kids started playing dodge ball in the apartment.

Time changes

2010-01-08T00:12:00.000-08:00

We've been here over a month and I'm still confused. It's like everyone in the whole country is on a mission to keep me in the dark about what time it is on what day.

To start with there is the weekend. Instead of the tried and true Saturday/Sunday combo I'm used to Bangladesh goes with Friday/Saturday. It makes sense for a largely Muslim country to want to have their holy day off. I get it. But I can't seem to wrap my head around the work week starting on Sunday.

Then came the time change. They tried Day Light Savings here for the first time this year and weren't sure they liked it so when the time came to change their clocks back they just didn't. Of course it started to be dark early and suddenly all over the country people took matters into their own hands and changed their hours of operation. Pandemonium, or at least widespread confusion, ensued. So the government decided we should all change our clocks back and resume normal hours of operation. And what better time to do this than at 11:59 pm on New Year's Eve?

This week my confusion is worse than ever because the university changed their schedule to accommodate their special visitor. They worked through the "weekend" and will finish the school week on Tuesday (I think) instead. It's nice that they'll have a four day weekend this week, but I might not recover my sense of time.

Rickshaw Ride

2010-01-07T23:46:00.000-08:00

The good:
cheap
atmospheric
environmentally friendly

The bad:
tiny seat
bumpy ride
feeling bad for the poor bloke pulling you along

The ugly:
they're a mite unsteady
sometimes stop or turn suddenly depositing passengers on the road,
possibly in front of other traffic

Not our favorite way to get around but rickshaws still rule the streets around here. Bryce and the kids took the camera to try to get a sense of the ride and the sights around town. Thought you might like to see some of it.

Sunset in Chittagong

2010-01-06T00:47:00.000-08:00

Our building has a lovely rooftop patio. It's our main outdoor play area right now. We were up there the other night around sunset and managed to take a couple of pics. The kids all got involved in a rather messy game of playing in a dusty puddle.

Sounds on the street are less abrasive way up on the rooftop (5 floors). The city is usually softened in a haze of dusty smog and seems almost friendly. It's easy to observe the goings on around us with this birds eye view. We watch cows moseying down the side streets nibbling on grass and garbage. Our eyes are drawn to other rooftops with brightly colored laundry waving in the breeze. Sometimes the breeze shifts, a sewer tinged smell permeates the air, and I'm suddenly reminded that I'm actually here and not just imagining this.

Back to School

2010-01-04T20:51:00.000-08:00

Titus and Maggie went back to school yesterday. They were nervous and excited (at least Maggie was excited). They're attending an international school here with American Curriculum. It is the closest we can get to what they're used to. At the same time the student population is mostly Bangladeshi. There is one other expat in Maggie's class and none in Titus'.

Maggie came home brimming with news. She talked non-stop until Titus came home an hour later. When asked how school was he said, "It was pretty good." And when asked how he liked his teacher he said, "She seems really nice." Rave reviews for Titus!

Week of Travel

2010-01-03T01:03:00.000-08:00

We spent the week after Christmas traveling around. I've tried but I can't think of a way to describe what the trip was like. I'll just share some pictures and you can imagine what you will in between. We hit the beach at Cox's Bazar, monopolized on the serenity of Molumghat, and then entered the "Chaos Capitol of South Asia" in Dhaka.

We met a lot of new people. A couple of whom shared some philosophical pointers for coping with life here. One said, "Chittagong bites." This is helpful to remember when trying to describe a bad day. For example one could say, "Today it bit me hard."

Also we learned that "living in Bangladesh is like a roller coaster. Somtimes it's okay." (Imagine his hand moving steadily upwards like an airplane taking off. "Other times...." (Picture the hand turning downwards rapidly... it never came back up again).

Philosophically speaking, it's great to be back in the apartment we call home.

Merry Christmas From the Blogtistis

2009-12-25T03:00:00.000-08:00

We went to the water park for Christmas Eve. It seemed a good enough way to mark the occasion (also, remarkably, Lena's first foray outside the apartment building). It was a beautiful, sunny day, the water was cool and clear, and Hindi Bollywood Music drummed from the speakers. We planned a picnic for lunch but fell victim to the internationally recognized scam of the park not allowing outside food or drink. No problem, we thought, we'll have a picnic in the courtyard outside the park. A memorable picnic that turned out to be just us, a million flies, 3 goats, a rooster, and a crowd of wide-eyed hungry children. The sweet Bangladeshi woman who was with us kept giving Enzo pancakes to eat and he kept dropping them onto the dusty, litter strewn bricks after a bite or two. After a couple pancakes had bit the dust one of the children came close enough to pick one up and stuff it in his pocket. Christmas Even ended in the traditional late night mad organizing fashion. We slept well and the kids woke to what we know is a rather sad looking Christmas tree (houseplant). (Let me just interject that I need some serious blogging help because I can't remember how to re-orient pictures when I post them)It was a memorable holiday. We missed our family and friends far away. We loved spending time with our family nearby (Summer!) and new friends here.And since our Christmas is ending and yours is just beginning... let us just wish you one more time... a very Merry Christmas.

Drive By Shooting

2009-12-21T19:20:00.001-08:00

I realized the other day that we have a couple of pictures that were taken by Titus and Maggie while driving one day. Not that impressive in the way of photos but they do give some impression of the general environment we live in.

some thatched houses among the trees
(sorry, this shot might make you car sick)

rickshaw riding down
a remarkably clean and empty street

ship in the river
Chittagong is a port city after all

cng in the background
a couple of blokes and a white wall

Angel in an Orange Sari

2009-12-20T23:19:00.000-08:00

There is an Angel in my apartment. I think it's sort of a blessed Christmas treat. Here is how it happened.

We arrived in Chittagong in just enough time to meet everyone and then watch as, one by one, they left on their various Christmas holidays. It's always a bummer being the one left behind but there is a consolation. Dear Angelie (sp?), the housekeeper/cook who works for another family in the building. When they left they asked Angelie to come and help us while they were gone since they were going to pay her for the whole month anyway. In less than 24 hours she has mopped the whole apartment twice, cleaned each bathroom, washed/folded and ironed the laundry, and right now she's cleaning the windows. I love her.

She's delighted by the little ones. Which is alarming because she thinks it's cute when they want to play with her purse and cell phone. I'm worried they'll break her phone and lose her wallet (which is more likely than not). Then she'll hate us and never come back. I had to put Enzo down for a nap today because he was looking a little too interested in her purse. I will not let them sabotage this. It's not everyday we get to have an Angel in the apartment.

Camera Woes

2009-12-18T00:25:00.001-08:00

The problem with buying a waterproof/shockproof camera is that the temptation to exploit its kid proof qualities becomes overpowering. That's essentially why our camera now has wavy impressionist lines going across its screen. We're still hoping it might recover. But for now, anyway, that's the end of the underwater horror film the kids were planning on making. Sorry you'll have to miss out on that.

Yay for Tea!

2009-12-16T20:53:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was invited to the 20th Annual Ladies' Christmas Tea. It was my first real tea party! It wasn't actually a problem that I didn't drink the tea. The servers were Bangladeshi and seemed very capable of thinking refusing tea at a tea party was an acceptable foreign quirk.

The party turned out to be similar to a Relief Society activity with a Baptist Twist. It was put on by women from the same organization who run the international school the kids will attend. I felt surprisingly at home and enjoyed the several opportunities to sing carols although I hadn't heard most of them before.

The tea party let me in on a big secret. Christmas is on the way. Yay for Tea!

Apartment Pictures

2009-12-16T20:51:00.000-08:00

Here are some pictures of the apartment if you don't mind tilting your head. They should be upright to begin with and now I can't figure out how to rotate them. Here they are anyway so you can get a sense of where we live.

Enzo at the window.
You can see some trees outside.
Unfortunately all the windows have these metal
bars that are perfect for climbing.

Titus and Maggie are both stoked to have
desks in their rooms.

A view of the living room/dining room.

My beautiful bedroom, mosquito net and all.
Thanks to Summer for setting it up for us.

Remembering the Trip

2009-12-14T23:20:00.000-08:00

So the camera has resurfaced and the photos have been downloaded. I've been remembering the draining 50 hour trip to get here. Sadly, no direct flights. Of course, in retrospect all went well. But, I had a dark moment in Hong Kong (during the surprise 11 hour layover) when Bryce was close to leaving me behind. In the end we all made it and here are some pics that make it look short and easy.

Watching cartoon network in the Hong Kong airport

Lena decided the trip was the time
to get over her stranger anxiety.
She made near constant attempts to wander away.

Enjoying the time to read and the space to lay down.

It's amazing how many times Jack in the box can be a surprise.

The girls making friends with
the required female security guard in Dhaka.
She searches all the women in the booth behind that curtain
(just a little search).

Finally arriving in Chittagong. Blue skies, green trees...
and the sad realization that home is really far away.

Saturday

2009-12-11T20:20:00.000-08:00

I realize I've been remiss in posting any indication of what is going on with us right now. Partly it's because I'm still resisting (I know, give up already!), partly it's because I've had a bummer of a stomach bug, and partly is still the lack of photos. But enough excuses. I've got to write something.

We're on the third story of a brick and cement building. Straight out the window is a vista of verdant foliage. Palm and Maple and all sorts of trees climb up over the hillside. Looking down from the window is our street: Panchlaish. It's moderately busy at the peak of the day with cars, CNG's, rickshaws and pedestrians all weaving among one another. The soundtrack to our life is the now familiar rumble of diesel engines and honking horns.

Bryce has taken the van into town on the weekly trip to Khulshi for our essential western groceries. There is a comforting amount of familiar food available...but at a price. We're still missing a lot of household essentials.

Titus is laying on the couch reading. We're glad we brought as many books as we did. But Titus has also enjoyed playing legos and dodge ball with some other kids in the building.

Maggie is at another apartment in the building making snowflakes with a friend. She came down a second ago to ask for scissors. She has kept pretty busy with games and plays but in her down time has taken to rollerblading around the table while reading.

Lena's sleeping. Enzo's sleeping. Nap time.

Just a typical slow Saturday for us in Chittagong.

Bangladesh

2009-12-06T07:06:00.000-08:00

We're here. We've arrived. It's a new chapter... a new beginning. But I'm tired. The camera has gone missing. And I don't feel like I have anything to say (not in the blogging groove yet). So I think I'll go to bed so I can get some sleep before the dogs start howling. To my sleepy ears they sound like Lena and Enzo and I just can't ignore them. Good night. Thank you for being so good to me.

Always, Andra

And Why Were You in Idaho...you might ask?

2009-11-02T13:28:00.000-08:00

About seven months ago we went on a little trip to have our first official visit with this spunky little munchkin. Not long after we took her home with us.Now it's official. Salena Lucinda Battisti is here for good, and we're so happy to have her. She's super sweet and playful. A lover of all things banana. And finally... walking!

It turns out adoption hearings are a lot easier than labor and birth. There was still a lot of waiting involved but most of the work was done by the lawyer, not me. We answered a few easy questions (like, "are you sure?") and then we were allowed up on the stand to take pictures with the judge.

Titus and Maggie had a great time since they got to skip school and go out to lunch. The babies, however, were exhausted.
So, that's it. That's the whole reason why we went to Idaho. And the whole experience confirmed to me what I always suspected: it's a pretty great State after all.

Culture Shock

2009-02-20T15:10:00.000-08:00

We just got back from a short trip to Idaho. There were good times with family but it was also an amazing opportunity to expose our kids to different people and cultures. We spent a lot of time answering important questions like, "Why are there so many stores for guns here?" and, "What does P-A-W-N mean?" I think I'm starting to understand you loved ones from Idaho a little bit better...

Is it really Valentine's Day?

2009-02-14T21:36:00.001-08:00

I didn't mean to quit blogging so abruptly. All of the sudden there was just so much to do. I painted, packed and unpacked, went to Wyoming for some Tamara-Time, applied for jobs, had an interview, got an offer (I think), took some adoption classes, made Baklava twice, sent my sister to China, sent Bryce back to Vietnam (and got him back home again safe and sound), went to the theatre (Memphis was amazing)... and I realized last night, when I got up for my habitual bathroom break around two o'clock, and bumped into my familiar table and chairs, that I'm home. It was a happy safe feeling that nearly overwhelmed me in my semi-sleeping state. I had to go straight back to bed. Then I didn't wake up until 8:15. So, all in all, things have been going pretty well.

Waiting for the bus

2009-01-06T18:56:00.000-08:00

Since Titus started kindergarten I have been dreaming of the day a magical orange bus would come and whisk the kids away to school. It is finally here! It came. It is magic. I asked the kids how it went and Maggie said, "It was kind of stinky." There really is are two sides to every coin.

They started school yesterday and all seems to be going well. I was impressed with how cool and confident they were. I was a bit of a wreck on their behalf. I kept checking my messages to see if the school had called. They hadn't.

Specifically

2009-01-05T13:14:00.000-08:00

Bryce's mom (Stephanie) is letting us rent her little cottage for a while. It's a bargain for us, especially since it's one of our favorite places to be and comes with all sorts of bonuses like...

a playful dog (Rosie)...

chickens and their erstwhile eggs...

a treehouse...

a couple of acres of forest just begging to be explored (again)...

nearby rocky beaches, sandy coves, and plenty of cold salty water...

Still the best thing is the smattering of aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents all up and down Vashon Highway. It's a good place to be. You should definitely come for a visit.

Home is Vashon

2009-01-04T13:42:00.001-08:00

Vashon Island Crossing
Originally uploaded by 1bluecanoe

For those of you who don't know, we're at home when we're on Vashon Island. Although we feel pretty much at home anywhere in the greater Seattle area... or for that matter the whole Pacific Northwest.

My family moved to Vashon the year I was born and is still there. This is where I met my guy, where Maggie was born, and where we've been returning for every possible vacation for the past 10 years. Lucky for us, it looks like we might be able to stay for a while this time...

Family, Fun, and the Flu

2008-12-28T19:48:00.000-08:00

Lets face it. We've had some ups and downs this week.

Downs:
*Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea
*Taking care of a baby with nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea
*Giving the tenacious flu symptoms to many members of our extended family (it's the second time we've started a familydemic. Last time it was pink eye. Sorry about that too).
*Having several people wonder out loud if your family might have acquired some intestinal parasite
*Knowing that the intestinal parasite theory is entirely possible
*Cancelling Christmas dinner because half the family was snowed in and the other half was sick

Ups:
*Everything I ordered online arrived in time!
*Family, family and more family
*It was my first Christmas morning with Bryce's family and I loved it. Adorable tree, hyper kids, delicious breakfast, lottery tickets...
*Stephanie got some books for Christmas that she's already read so guess who gets to borrow them!?!
*My tiny niece did not get sick and looked adorable in her blessing gown (see Chloe here).
*The holidays seem to be lasting a really long time since I'm not going home in a couple of days. I guess that's what it feels like to live near family. A constant party.

Jet Lag

2008-12-23T08:50:00.000-08:00

It's really hard to explain jet lag to someone who has never had it. Our kids were surprised by how hard it was to get used to Vietnam time when we left. Maggie spent several nights not sleeping at all and several days crying with exhaustion. We tried to prepare them better for our return trip.

They were obsessed with jet lag on the plane. When we first settled into the second flight we heard Maggie say, "I'm going to get a lot of sleep so I don't get jet lag"

Then somewhere over the Atlantic she leaned forward and asked Bryce, "Do I have jet lag yet?" (It's especially cute because she says it like jet leg).

When we had landed and were taxiing our way into the "not so lovely in the snow" SeaTac Airport Maggie and Titus spent a lot of time chatting to the lady next to them. Titus politely asked her in a sympathetic tone, "Do you have jet lag too?"

The first two days we saw nary a sign of jet lag. We had happy children that slept exactly when expected. Then yesterday they slept in until noon, stayed up crying and fighting until midnight, and are well on their way to sleeping in today. I want to go wake them up but they told me not to. They said they're trying to sleep a lot so that Christmas will come faster.

Last week at this time...

2008-12-23T08:33:00.000-08:00

This is what we were doing last week. We didn't know what we were getting into when the people at the hotel suggested we visit a nearby hot springs. It ended up being quite a resort. We were a little disappointed having imagined lounging in a natural rock lined pool overlooking the ocean (I'm not sure why we thought that, but we did). Anyway, to make up for the disappointment we got massages for the kids. The girls doing the massages thought it was hilarious. They said something to Hieu that she had a hard time translating for us. It was something like, "They say your children are... well I don't know the word in English, something like they get whatever they want..."

I told her the word she was looking for was "spoiled". So she learned a new word, the kids got massages, and we ended up enjoying the not so natural hot springs after all. Well worth the $2.50 US we spent.

This is what we're doing this week. We have come back to a world of white. White roads, white sky, white grass. The sun and massages seem a world away (which they are, I suppose). We have spent a lot of time inside since we're seriously lacking in snow gear. But, yesterday, when the sun was shining a wee bit the kids ventured outside to make a snowman. The snow didn't pack so well since it was covered with a layer of ice so they made a snow slide instead. It was a serious blow to hear that there was no way they'd be allowed to slide down the greenhouse roof. We'll try to take them sledding today.

Home Sweet Home

2008-12-21T10:55:00.000-08:00

Here we are. Home at last. We arrived to about six inches of snow and then watched another few inches fall last night. So magical and sooo cold. We're making do with some pseudo winter gear and taking a nose dive into the Christmas season. If I can keep my eyes open I'm going to make some gingerbread today with my sisters. Sleep sounds good too.

Beaches

2008-12-18T07:29:00.001-08:00

We finished up our trip to the south by going out to the coast and settling in for a few nights. It turns out we still love the beach. Now we're back in Hanoi and have plans to pack all day tomorrow and catch the midnight flight out. I'm a little intimidated at the prospect...

Cu Chi Tunnels

2008-12-15T18:19:00.000-08:00

The other day we visited some nearby tunnels that were used during the war by North Vietnamese soldiers. They lived in underground rooms, linked by narrow tunnels, for months at a time while the ground above them was being bombed and gassed constantly.

Titus was especially interested in going to see the tunnels. He has been fascinated to hear about the war here and see how patience and ingenuity overcame modern firepower. We read that mines still kill over 1,000 people a year here, so Titus kept reminding us not to go off the path.

Visiting the tunnels was a macabre mix of tourist activities and the horrible reality of war. We laughed while we squeezed through the tiny entrances and then stood in silence while the guide explained how the Vietnamese booby traps worked. The bamboo spiked pits were the most sobering for me.

I assumed that there would still be some animosity here towards Americans considering the intensity and recent history of the war. But there just isn't any. "It's in the past," some people say. "It was the government." Some people shake their heads in amazement and say "Did you know that the American soldiers didn't even want to come to fight? The government made them." Then the conversation usually turns to the peace they've enjoyed since (no mention of the post-war poverty and struggle) and how they plan to enjoy it for years to come.

HCMC

2008-12-13T04:29:00.000-08:00

We've headed south for our last week in Vietnam. To the great metropolis of Ho Chi Minh City (formerly Saigon). My first impression is that this town has got it going on! The lights, the traffic, the swanky shops. I'm amazed and overwhelmed.

We spent the afternoon doing some child pleasing activities. A rock climbing wall, a swimming pool, a dinner with food they actually liked, and finally a small amusement park. I don't think they mind that we came after all. Enzo is exhausted. I think we're going to settle in for a quiet night with a movie before we start again tomorrow.

Here is where I publicly admit that we have bought bootlegged movies while here. I feel a little guilty sometimes. But since they usually don't work my guilt is somewhat passified.

Sorry no pictures. I forgot to bring the card reader for my cell phone camera. Dang.

Signs

2008-12-12T00:15:00.000-08:00

You can tell this sign would be important in an emergency. The guy is obviously in a hurry (look at that stride). I kinda felt like running out the door just looking at this.

This was a fun list of rules to read at a hotel. The second one says, "Do not take with guns, explosive, drug and other banned things, animals and bad-smell food stuff also get no permission." Words to live by in this unfortunate day and age.

It was hard to explain to our friend why we thought this sign was funny. To us it sounded like if you are wearing shorts it's better to just take them off right now before going inside the pagoda.
Luckily none of us were wearing shorts.

Beginning the Goodbyes

2008-12-11T06:31:00.000-08:00

It turns out we're leaving soon. Just as I suspected, way back in September, our departure date seems like its just around the corner. Here we were, just getting into the swing of things, and BAM! Time to go. So, this week we've started saying goodbye... and thank you.

Ba Vi National Park

2008-12-08T03:07:00.000-08:00

We always mean to be an outdoorsy family, but in reality we only go hiking once a year and the last time we slept in the tent was in the old Orchard Park Gardens. That's why we're always surprised to be reminded of Titus' amazing ability to climb any number of steep steps in the name of hiking. He wasn't the least put off by spending two hours in the car each way getting to the park. He jumped out of the car, breathed in the bracing mountain air (it was seriously chilly), and bounded up the trail without a second thought. He might have gone up that mountain twice with the amount of times he kept coming back to encourage his slowpoke Mama. When I finally joined him at the top he sat down, sighed, and said, "Now this is the kind of view we like, right Mag?"

We could see the next mountain top, it's trees, and a bunch of misty clouds that our travel book refered to as atmospheric. Luckily, the kids didn't know we were supposed to be able to view Hanoi from the peak.

Maggie enjoyed the hike at a more relaxing and dreamy pace but was no less enthusiastic. She climbed, danced, climbed, and twirled up to the top. It was a relief to see a little color in her cheeks and sparkle in her eyes. The kids have both taken on a somewhat peaky appearance lately. It might have something to do with their polite refusal to eat anything set in front of them besides french fries and fruit.

Enzo was carried the whole way in Bryce's arms. How we forgot to bring the baby carrier on a designated hike I don't know. The downer for Enzo was him having a blowout and having to get entirely naked in a cold breeze. We told him that not many babies get to have their diapers changed on top of a mountain in front of a tiny temple. He remained, justifiably, sulky and fell asleep as soon as he got warm again.

It was a two hour drive each way that was fraught with its usual near miss collisions, honking, and dust. Our driver was a gregarious fellow that we've been with before who has the amazing ability to fit in everywhere we go. He speaks no English but it still seems like he translates for us because he obviously understands people. I might love him forever because he was really nice and found me a toilet (of sorts) when I had an inopportune bout of sore guts.